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Monday 16 July 2018

"PIERCED AND TATTED"



















Hello!
it's been too long...
So I had an experience or a series of experiences recently that has prompted me to share my thoughts on the issue of piercings and tattoos and general body modifications.

 A friend of mine told me  she wanted to get “extra piercings”.

 Then I saw another friend of mine wearing an anklet  or ankle bracelets.

On a personal level, I had previously never given too much thought to people with various forms of body modifications, majorly because I didn't know anyone close enough to me for me to think about it, and also because I have learnt to look beyond the superficial and try to see the heart of the individual I'm communicating with. but in these cases, these were people I knew and have close relationships with. so I had to think seriously about it.
My initial reaction in both scenarios was what actually prompted me to do this write up. Being from a typically conservative African family, growing up, I had been given a skewed view about things like piercings and tattoos and anklets and stuff like that, I was told that it was for “wayward, irresponsible members of society”. 

That has been the African stereotype for things like that, we’ve always been taught to frown upon these “bad influences from the western civilization”. And in all earnest, we can’t deny that a lot of people with questionable characters are drawn, or seem to have an affinity for body modifications and stuff like that.  that could also explain why we have incessant cases of harassment from these SARS officials of young men sporting dreadlocks and being fancifully dressed. they, like the typical Nigerian parent, sees that as tell-tale signs that the individual is 'a bad boy'. (well, some of them are just downright opportunistic and constantly abuse their powers,  as I have witnessed, but that's a story for another day).

In social psychology, a stereotype is an over generalized belief about a particular category of people.  It is usually  based on observations and experiences, that hold water when initially formed, but can be known to dissipate quickly especially nowadays.

My initial reaction to my friend ( even though I didn’t say it out loud) was “why would you want to get extra piercings, don’t you see the kind of people who do that?”. That was the African child in me speaking, that thought process was born out of not just what had been ingrained in me, but what I had partially validated from observations of the society. (and partially invalidated, too)

But a lot of things have changed these days, people’s way of thinking generally, and how society as a whole, as a global community views certain things. ( in other words, we’re now woke).

Now we all know that, people have tattoos or get piercings and stuff like that for different reasons. Some see it as an expression of art,  some see it as a means of telling a story, you know how they say pictures say a thousand words, some as a means of accentuating their beauty, and let's not forget that even in most traditional African society, tattoos and general body modifications, although not as elaborate as what we see today, were/are also part and parcel of the tradition and culture. and there  are so many other reasons. 



We in this part of the world are now breaking free or have broken free from that notion that only ‘bad people” do stuff like that. The question, or the right question is why we are doing that thing., whether or not it does more for your personal beauty is really a personal thing. Personally  I don’t see the need for all those extra things, but that’s just me, different strokes for different folks. 
 I have since  gained a new realization, a new insight, and that's what I'd like to share. I didn't come to this realization until I spoke to yet another friend of mine, I told her about my other friends that intended to get extra piercings, and the anklet case. in all honesty I was almost expecting a similar reaction with the one I first had, but she was quite open about it, she was even considering getting one! (for all the right reasons) lol. I have to admit I was a bit surprised, but that conversation helped me re think the whole thing through, I started to see the issue from a whole new light, and not hold on so strongly to the conservative views of the African man. 

The whole point of this is learning to do things for the right reasons, for logical reasons, that are capable of breaking barriers. The question I should have asked in my head, based on what is obtainable in today’s world ( I mean as per being part of the woke generation) was “ why do you feel the need to do that? Do you feel it accentuates your beauty? Basically are you doing it for the right (or what is considered to be the right) reasons?. and more importantly, are you doing it for you?
That, my people, is my candid opinion.
what's yours?
black history in one beautiful work of art! 



But what really defines beauty for us? That one sef na story for another day.
Till then...sayonara!

Wednesday 13 June 2018

Love is a beautiful thing



"kids, this is the story about how I met your mother"

This is a Ted Mosby inspired write up.

I've just finished watching how i met your mother recently, (yes i only just watched it), and I've learnt or rather I've realized quite a few things from the emotional  roller coaster ride of Ted Evelyn Mosby ( he never should have told Barney that middle name truly). it kind of fits at this point in my life and I'd like to share some of the insights for me from the show.

first is, when it comes to relationships, never settle, never settle for less, your whole life will revolve around the individual you eventually decide to be with, so it is important that that person be someone you have a deep connection with. The person you eventually end up with may not " tick all your boxes",  they may not like everything you like and vice versa, but isn't that the beauty of a relationship? its about appreciating your similarities and respecting your differences. After so many years of searching, and settling, Ted came to this realization right before he met his wife. in so many of the previous relationships he had been in, it was mostly out of loneliness, or ( in most cases) an
"I'd just settle for this one, lets see how it goes". That's a NO NO people, you have the right to be with the person you truly deserve, The person who "completes you".

Ted went through a lot of relationships in the series, but always had a thing for Robin. even when she didn't feel the same way, so deep down, he was never fully committed in any of the subsequent relationships he had after Robin, because he hadn't fully let go of Robin. To be able to embrace the future mrs ted mosby, when she finally came, Ted had to fully let go (no matter how hard it was ). that leads me to part of the things i realized. don't hold on to the past, learn to let things go, if its not working out, don't force it. what will be will be.

Relationships nowadays are more like a past time hobby for us young folks, the concept of falling in love has been greatly eroded by our woke generation. but when you finally get to that moment when you're ready, it is important that you remember that every one deserves to love and to love greatly, love is a beautiful thing (don't get it twisted), the most powerful force in the universe. love can be demanding and sacrificial, it requires two people that truly want to be together, its not always a bed of roses. but, when you finally find 'the one'. it all becomes worth it.
(p.s Barney Stinson's awesome!)